This Christmas was a Northern Christmas, celebrated in the wilds of Teesside with Barny’s family. We’re now back in the Midlands with enough leftovers to sink an average family car in fair weather; after apparently choosing the same exact time as everyone else in Britain to make the homeward journey last night. It didn’t help that Stevo the Stilo has decided that as of now, when you unlock the doors he will open both the front windows, just for you.

I dislike my the car; despite it being more reliable than most of my previous vehicles and having actually saved the day on more than one occasion. Over the previous few days we had received a very generous Christmas present and after the windows had opened in the pouring rain for the third time in a row we decided Stevo’s days were numbered.

So we trundled down the M1 while I looked through our possible alternatives to see what would make a good Jabberwocky support vehicle. It had to be at least as big as Stevo, whose back seats are usually flat so that you can fit a wholesale shop, a greenhouse or a cooker inside it. Ideally it also needs to be powerful, because when the van gets stuck in a rut it would be nice to hoist him out again.

Barny casually mentioned a Land Rover Defender, as it turns out that he has always wanted one. We looked them up, and it turns out a Land Rover Defender actually holds its price remarkably well, and we couldn’t afford one.

After most of the length of the M1 we were forced to admit that the only reason we actually wanted a new car was so that we could get rid of the current one. The current one actually works, and having perused most of the 4x4s and mid-sized family cars on Auto Trader that weren’t Land Rovers none of them really seemed worth the money.

The Defender can wait until we need to get rid of the sports car in favour of something more grown up. Stevo has earned himself a reprieve, but if anyone does want to buy a rubbish Italian car with a Christmassy array of warning lights and a collection of artful dings to the body work then please let me know.

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