A practical guide to doing everything at once

Sometimes I surprise myself... this time not so much.

Step one: Panic.
Step two: Worry about the merits of step one.
Step three: Pace the living room. Approx 20 laps.
Step four: Tea.
Step five: Get some fresh air.
Step six: Repeat steps one to three.
Step seven: Do something to take mind of steps one and two.
Step eight: Observe hands. If shaking, repeat step one. If not, repeat steps two and three.
Step nine: Consume high-sugar snacks.
Step ten: Check Everything. If present and correct, proceed. If not, begin at step one.

I find this to have been the most effective method for dealing with the last three days. Not only that, but without even knowing of my Method, Barny seemed to be executing something almost as good. It lacked the variables found in step 8, and step four featured more heavily, while step nine appeared almost non-existent, but you could clearly spot a similar process.

Sadly the Method, so carefully honed to perfection, became obsolete today when we found we had the house. It’s strange, but with the house looming over us it became uneasily vital to do all the other things I have been putting off. For weeks now I have been sitting down in front of the computer, intent on creating the online home of the Jabberwocky, only to be distracted, almost instantly, by the phone, or an urgent article on reddit, or a ladybird that had got inside and needed rescuing. Now, with the method in place, I was allocated ample time, during step seven, to get all sorts of things done. Granted, I still found lots of time for steps one, two and three, and I’m actively engaging in step nine as we speak, but I did manage to achieve a website.

I confess that I still know almost nothing about web design, and may well live out the rest of my days in that state, but considering it as the product of a jellybean-fuelled nerve-high I think it came out OK. Now, having finally achieved step ten, I feel jumbled, like I’ve just walked away from a car crash unhurt. It’s been like this since we gave away a huge sum of money to a solicitor yesterday, and I think I will continue with it until we are holding the keys. It’s done, there is no going back now, only forward, to get the van out there and, for better or for worse, to have an adventure.